Once I started working my steps putting myself on top of my list made so much since. While doing my fourth step I realized I had a part in me being a victim. I allowed myself to be verbally & mentally abused. I myself caused myself many hours of unnecessary pain. I made decisions for myself that caused me a tremendous amount of hurt. Every day I need to put myself on top of my amends list, after all I beat myself up almost every day.
Forgiving others....... I don't want to forgive my ........ for being so mentally abusive. I don't want to forgive my ............... for being an alcoholic and making my life miserable. I don't want to forgive my neighbor for giving me a dirty look. If you had these miserable people in your life you wouldn't forgive them either.
I need to forgive people even though they never asked me for forgiveness. Hanging on to anger towards someone else hurts ME. I don't want to hurt any more. I started praying for the people I needed to forgive. Praying for God to help me accept them & their behavior. Praying for a loving heart. It's amazing, slowly I no longer felt anger towards the people I allowed to hurt me.
Recently, while spending time with my God, just him & I, I realized that people are human, people make mistakes. If God has forgiven me, who am I not to forgive others?
