forgivness

 When I was an al anon new comer and heard, at a step meeting, to put myself on the top of my amends list I was very confused. Make amends to myself, forgive myself?????  I've done nothing wrong, I'm a victim.  Forgive others, after what they did to me, NO.

     Once I started working my steps putting myself on top of my list made so much since.  While doing my fourth step I realized I had a part in me being a victim.  I allowed myself to be verbally & mentally abused. I myself caused myself many hours of unnecessary pain. I made decisions for myself that caused me a tremendous amount of hurt.  Every day I need to put myself on top of my amends list, after all I beat myself up almost every day.

Forgiving others.......  I don't want to forgive my ........ for being so mentally abusive. I don't want to forgive my ............... for being an alcoholic and making my life miserable.  I don't want to forgive my neighbor for giving me a dirty look. If you had these miserable people in your life you wouldn't forgive them either.

 I need to forgive  people even though they never asked me for forgiveness. Hanging on to anger towards someone else hurts ME. I don't want to hurt any more.  I started praying for the people I needed to forgive.  Praying for God to help me accept them & their behavior. Praying for a loving heart. It's amazing, slowly I no longer felt anger towards the people I allowed to hurt me.

Recently, while spending time with my God, just him & I, I realized that people are human, people make mistakes. If God has forgiven me, who am I not to forgive others?